Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
