dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
