i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm always down for nudity.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
