After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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