Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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