you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize
