she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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