I haven't been this sober since birth.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
