We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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