i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
