She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
