I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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