i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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