Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
