thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
ttyl tear gas
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
