YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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