I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
thus making me awesome and them whores
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
there is glitter all over my balls
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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