My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
