he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
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