I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
