okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
