nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i think i just lost a toe
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
