Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
