he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
