my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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