Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
