girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
