so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
