Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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