ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
