i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
