so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
