Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
