did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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