I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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