I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Randomize
