I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
And then the night went full on bisexual.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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