i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
