My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
