when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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