i would punch a child for taco bell
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
