Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
