The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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