Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
