i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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