he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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