now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
