I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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