Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
