just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
