oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
