As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
