I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
